Nothing much to talk about anymore

Friday was one of those visits that left me feeling very happy and very sad. I arrived just after lunch and he was sitting out in the hall in his wheelchair with his head down as usual. I approached from his back and put my hand on his shoulder and said, "Hi Papa! How's my dad?" He reacted with vigor. "Linda? Is that you Linda?" he asked without picking up his head to actually look at me. I started talking to him about the big news about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. He was aware of it but hadn't seen any of the dramatic photos that were being shown already. I put my laptop on his bed and brought up some pictures on Yahoo news and Google news. He was very interested. "Those poor damn people don't need another nuclear Holocaust!" He was indignant that this should happen to these nice people.

One of the nurses came into the room. I hadn't seen her in about 3 months since she went out on maternity leave. I was so happy to see her. I engaged in conversation asking about her baby, and her leave. She was very forthcoming, maternal pride showing when she told us how good the baby girl was. When she left, my dad said something to me that he had never said before. He actually said I had a good personality. Many times he has rebuked me for being too talkative. He has reproached me for being negative. He has called me a "glass half full person". I have never had him praise me like he did Friday. I think it shows how grateful he is to have me come and see him, relieving him of his loneliness and boredom.

The two of us didn't talk about much. I let him put on the headphones and watch old TV programs on youtube. He watched Groucho Marx and Life of Riley. I also had a couple of videos that my friend sent to me showing a man in the cage with a lioness and her cubs. It was remarkable to see that great big pussy cat wanting to be petted and wanting to lay down on his lap the way my kitties want to do to me. Dad really enjoyed that.

My brother just called me from CV. He and my other brother went into Dad's room and he was asleep. My brother suggested that we get Dad moved to hospice. No, I don't think it's that time. He still is healthy. He still is a long-term care case. Not ready to die now.

We have to be patient. It seems so hopeless, but it has to run its course.